| Author |
Quote |
Score |
| Rowan Atkinson |
Your head is as empty as a hermit's address book |
292 |
| Will Smith |
In my mind, I've always been an A-list Hollywood superstar. Y'all just didn't know yet |
282 |
| Jim Carrey |
If I'm not back in five minutes, wait longer |
278 |
| Will Smith |
Woah! Carlton, whats that growing out of ur neck? Its so ugly and wierd. Oh wait its just your head |
276 |
| John Cleese |
Oh, "him". He's hopeless, isn't he? |
270 |
| Rowan Atkinson |
We are in the stickiest situation since sticky the stick insect got stuck on a sticky bun |
270 |
| John Cleese |
Oh, German. I'm sorry, I thought there was something wrong with you |
269 |
| Jim Carrey |
If you utter so much as one syllable, I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND GUT YOU LIKE A FISH! If you want to fax me, press the star key |
268 |
| Jim Carrey |
You know what the trouble about real life is? There's no danger music |
268 |
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| Jim Carrey |
I don't think anybody is interesting until they've had the shit kicked out of them |
262 |
| Jim Carrey |
I don't care if people think I am an overactor, as long as they enjoy what I do. People who think that would call Van Gogh an overpainter |
259 |
| Jim Carrey |
I'm kicking my ass. Do you mind? |
259 |
| Rowan Atkinson |
For telling a good and incisive religious joke, you should be praised. For telling a bad one, you should be ridiculed and reviled. The idea that you could be prosecuted for the telling of either is quite fantastic |
259 |
| Will Smith |
Could you drop me off at the beach? No, scratch that. Drop me off a couple of blocks from the beach. The honeys will get nervous if they see me with a midget |
258 |
| John Cleese |
You'll have to forgive him. He's from Barcelona |
255 |
| Jim Carrey |
Yes, Satan? Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else |
254 |
| John Cleese |
The really good idea is always traceable back quite a long way, often to a not very good idea which sparked off another idea that was only slightly better, which somebody else misunderstood in such a way that they then said something which was really rather interesting |
254 |
| Jim Carrey |
New in the building? Oh. Do you like it so far? Well, that's because you have big jugs. I mean your boobs are huge. I mean I want to squeeze them |
252 |
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| John Cleese |
No, not your hamster. How could I knock a nail in with a hamster? Well, I could try, couldn't I? |
251 |
| John Cleese |
Yes you did, you invaded Poland |
247 |
| Phoebe Buffay |
The cow in the meadow goes moo - The cow in the meadow goes moo - Then the farmer hits her on the head and grinds her - And that's where hamburger comes from |
242 |
| Jim Carrey |
I just want to be killer funny. You know kick ass piss in your pants run out of the theatre and rip you dick off and throw yourself into traffic funny! |
241 |
| John Cleese |
If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress |
241 |
| Rowan Atkinson |
As I was leaving this morning, I said to myself "the last thing you must do is forget your speech". And sure enough, as I left the house this morning, the last thing I did was to forget my speech |
241 |
| Rowan Atkinson |
I've no desire to hang around with a bunch of upper-class delinquents, do twenty minutes work and then spend the rest of the day loafing about in Paris drinking gallons of champagne and having dozens of moist, pink, highly experienced French peasant girls galloping up and down my - hang on |
237 |
| Will Smith |
America is a nation that conceives many odd inventions for getting somewhere but it can think of nothing to do once it gets there |
235 |
| John Cleese |
600 years ago we would have been burned for this. Now what I am suggesting is that we've advanced |
229 |
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| Jim Carrey |
I am Bruce Almighty! My will be done! |
228 |
| Jim Carrey |
Well, I'm not really ready for a relationship, Lois, but thank you for asking. Hey, maybe I'll give you a call sometime. Your number's still 911? All righty then. |
228 |
| Will Smith |
Wait, hold up, I think you need to chill. I'm twice your size, and half your age, so you need to just back off |
226 |
| John Cleese |
Start. Start, you vicious bastard. Oh my God. I'm warning you, if you don't start, I'll count to three. 1, 2, 3, right, that does it |
225 |
| Phoebe Buffay |
And then I would use, y'know, the strongest tool at my disposal: my sexuality |
224 |
| Jim Carrey |
Here it goes. I sped, I followed too closely, I ran a stop sign, I almost hit a Chevy, I sped some more, I failed to yield at a crosswalk, I changed lanes at an intersection, I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and SPEEDING! |
223 |
| John Cleese |
Yes, yes, I picked it up... Yes... No, no, I haven't had a chance yet... Yes, I will... Yes... No, I haven't yet, but I will... Yes, yes, yes, I know it is... Yes, I'll try and get it cleared up... Anything else? I mean, would you like the hotel moved a bit to the left? |
223 |
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| John Cleese |
I was just doing it, you stupid woman. I just put it down, to come here and be reminded by you to do what I'm already doin. What is the point in reminding me to do what I'm already doing? What is the bloody point? I'm doing it aren't I? |
222 |
| Phoebe Buffay |
Throw me a friggin' bone here, will ya? |
219 |
| Phoebe Buffay |
You're trying to remember where you know me from? All right, I'll give you a hint... FROM PORN. Yeah, your pervert boyfriend watched me in a porno movie |
218 |
| Jim Carrey |
It's nice to finally get scripts offered to me that aren't the ones Tom Hanks wipes his butt with |
216 |
| Will Smith |
Ding dong the cricket's dead, Ashley's grounded now you all go to bed |
215 |
| Jim Carrey |
My report card always said, "Jim finishes first and then disrupts the other students" |
214 |
| Jim Carrey |
If I had never ventured beyond being a stand-up comic, then I would be sitting in my house today working on my Leonardo DiCaprio impression |
212 |
| Jim Carrey |
Until Ace Ventura, no actor had considered talking through his ass |
211 |
| Phoebe Buffay |
When I play, I play for me! - I don't need your charity! |
211 |
| Phoebe Buffay |
Yeah, well, in America you're just an ass |
210 |
| Will Smith |
If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out? |
210 |
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| Jim Carrey |
We're gonna die! We're gonna die! I'm gonna throw up, and then I'm gonna die! Mommy tell it to stop! |
207 |
| Will Smith |
His highness would like you to clean his sneakers. And you will clean them with your toothbrush. Not up and down, not side to side, but in a circular motion |
203 |
| Will Smith |
You're going to that hospital if I have to knock you out and call an ambulance |
201 |
| Phoebe Buffay |
I just went to my old apartment to get you the cookie recipe and the stupid fire burned it up |
198 |
| Will Smith |
"Enter as boys, leave as men?" How long do they plan on keeping us here? |
194 |
| Phoebe Buffay |
New York City has no power - And the milk is getting sour - But to me it is not scary - Cause I stay away from dairy |
190 |
| John Cleese |
Oh, splendid! Ah, yes, but "when", Mr O'Reilly? |
187 |
| Rowan Atkinson |
When I was doing Bean more than I've done him in the last few years, I did strange things - like appearing on chat shows in character as Mr. Bean |
187 |
| Phoebe Buffay |
Oh, that's not my name any more |
181 |
| Will Smith |
He trips underwater. Now who in the halibut trips underwater? And by the way, on what? |
180 |
| Will Smith |
That's right. You'd best to press on before you get straight molly-wopped up in here |
156 |
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