| Author |
Quote |
Score |
| Ingvar Kamprad |
I'm not afraid of turning 80 and I have lots of things to do. I don't have time for dying |
332 |
| Montgomery Burns |
I could crush him like an ant. But it would be too easy. No, revenge is a dish best served cold. I'll bide my time until... Oh, what the hell. I'll just crush him like an ant |
296 |
| Oscar Wilde |
Time is a waste of money |
292 |
| Alanis Morissette |
So many times I've been just gripping the steering wheel and driving, and just have a piece of paper on where my horn is, and just writing sort of looking up and down. I've done that so much! It'll be worth the crash |
289 |
| Zig Ziglar |
Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage |
284 |
| Eminem |
Sometimes you just gotta let shit go and say to "hell with it" and move on |
283 |
| Funny Time Quotes - Ultimate ESQ Funny Time Quotes Collection - Sayings |
| Warren Buffet |
Just as work expands to fill available time, corporate projects or acquisitions will materialize to soak up available funds. Any business craving of the leader, however foolish, will be quickly supported by detailed rate-of-return and strategic studies prepared by his troops |
282 |
| Arnold Schwarzenegger |
From the time they get up in the morning and flush the toilet, they're taxed. Then they go and get the cup of coffee, they're taxed....This goes on all day long. Tax, tax, tax |
280 |
| Arnold Schwarzenegger |
A lot of things go through my mind while I am posing. When I pose, a very good pose let's say the most muscular pose. The audience starts screaming. In my mind I say to them, kind of like "Well, here it is here is the best body, look at it and just freak out because your only going to see one of them" That's it. I let them know that what they get is mind-blowing. They are not going to get it tomorrow, not the next day. Maybe never again. It's a once in a life time experience. Especially since my career as a bodybuilder is almost over. I just hope they appreciate my body. Obviously they do. I hear the applause |
279 |
| Eminem |
Sometimes I'm real cool, but sometimes I could be a real asshole. I think everyone is like that |
278 |
| Arnold Schwarzenegger |
As much as when you see a blonde with great tits and a great ass, you say to yourself, "Hey, she must be stupid or must have nothing else to offer", which maybe is the case many times. But then again there is the one that is as smart as her breasts look, great as her face looks, beautiful as her whole body looks gorgeous, you know, so people are shocked |
277 |
| Arnold Schwarzenegger |
Having a pump is like having sex. I train two, sometimes three times a day. Each time I get a pump. It's great. I feel like I'm coming all day |
277 |
| Funny Time Quotes - Ultimate ESQ Funny Time Quotes Collection - Sayings |
| Arnold Schwarzenegger |
I told Warren if he mentions Prop. 13 one more time, he has to do 500 push-ups |
268 |
| Eminem |
They say music can alter moves and talk to you. Well can it load a gun up for you and cock it too? Well if it can and the next time you assault a dude, just tell the judge it was my fault, and I'll get sued! |
265 |
| Cdin |
Sometimes i'm so out there i forget where the door is to come back in |
264 |
| Eminem |
When I say I'll murder my baby's mother, maybe I wanted to, but I didn't. Anybody who takes it literally is ten times sicker than I am |
262 |
| Bruce Lee |
The athlete who is building muscles through weight training should be very sure to work adequately on speed and flexibility at the same time. In combat, without the prior attributes, a strong man will be like the bull with its colossal strength futilely pursuing the matador or like a low-geared truck chasing a rabbit |
260 |
| Cdin |
Both u doods have ragin' sites. frick. It's competition time!!! |
260 |
| Cdin |
For all those perfecktionists who demand exemplary English at ALL times smattered with profound professionalism: Grow Up! I mean, grow Down! |
258 |
| Homer Simpson |
How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive? |
258 |
| Funny Time Quotes - Ultimate ESQ Funny Time Quotes Collection - Sayings |
| John Cleese |
Hello?... Ah, yes Mr O'Reilly, well it's perfectly simple. When I asked you to build me a wall I was rather hoping that instead of just dumping the bricks in a pile you might have found time to cement them together, you know, one on top of another, in the traditional fashion |
251 |
| Faith Hill |
When stress piles up and all the darts are coming at me at once, it's great to cry. Crying is like, Okay, I've had my drama. Time to move on |
250 |
| Oscar Wilde |
I hope you're not leading a double life, pretending to be wicked while being really good all the time. That would be hypocrisy |
245 |
| Eminem |
There were times when friends had to buy me fuckin' shoes! |
243 |
| John Cleese |
My mum died about three years ago at the age of 101, and just towards the end, as she began to run out of energy, she did actually stop trying to tell me what to do most of the time |
243 |
| Arnold Schwarzenegger |
I saw this toilet bowl. How many times do you get away with this - to take a woman, grab her upside down, and bury her face in a toilet bowl? I wanted to have something floating there... The thing is, you can do it, because in the end, I didn't do it to a woman - she's a machine! We could get away with it without being crucified by who-knows-what group |
242 |
| Pamela Anderson |
I still have your suspenders from last time |
242 |
| Funny Time Quotes - Ultimate ESQ Funny Time Quotes Collection - Sayings |
| Oscar Wilde |
When one pays a visit it is for the purpose of wasting other people's time, not one's own |
239 |
| Montgomery Burns |
Look at that pig. Stuffing his face with donuts on my time! That's right, keep eating. Little do you know you're drawing ever closer to the poison donut! There is a poison one, isn't there Smithers? |
238 |
| Phoebe Buffay |
First time I met Chandler, I thought he was gay, but here I am singing on his wedding day! |
231 |
| Will Smith |
When I started in movies, I said, "I want to be the biggest movie star in the world". The biggest movie stars make the biggest movies, so my producing partner James Lassiter and I looked at the top 10 movies of all time. At that point, they were all special-effects movies. So Independence Day, no-brainer. Men in Black, no-brainer. I, Robot, no-brainer |
229 |
| Jim Carrey |
Well, I'm not really ready for a relationship, Lois, but thank you for asking. Hey, maybe I'll give you a call sometime. Your number's still 911? All righty then. |
228 |
| Funny Time Quotes - Ultimate ESQ Funny Time Quotes Collection - Sayings |
| Cdin |
Well Starbucks saves my life all the time with wonderful milky black liquid drugs |
225 |
| Montgomery Burns |
Just give the great unwashed a pair of oversized breasts and a happy ending, and they'll "oink" for more every time |
224 |
| Arnold Schwarzenegger |
If I would do another "Terminator" movie I would have Terminator travel back in time and tell Arnold not to have a special election |
223 |
| John Cleese |
Oh dear, what happened? Did you get entangled in the eiderdown again? Not enough cream in your eclair? Hmm? Or did you have to talk to all your friends for so long that you didn't have time to perm your ears? |
220 |
| Garfield |
Good times are ahead! Or behind. Because they sure aren't here |
212 |
| Will Smith |
Sometimes I just be coughing for nothin! |
212 |
| Garfield |
So much time, so little to do |
211 |
| Barack Obama |
McCain likes to talk about judgment, but really, what does it say about your judgment when you think George Bush has been right more than 90 percent of the time? I don't know about you, but I'm not ready to take a 10 percent chance on change |
210 |
| Oscar Wilde |
Oh, why will parents always appear at the wrong time? Some extraordinary mistake in nature, I suppose |
206 |
| Homer Simpson |
I've gone back in time to when dinosaurs weren't just confined to zoos |
204 |
| Funny Time Quotes - Ultimate ESQ Funny Time Quotes Collection - Sayings |
| Phoebe Buffay |
Are you lying? Is this like that time you tried to convince us you were a doctor? |
204 |
| Quentin Tarantino |
I have an idea for a Godzilla movie that I've always wanted to do. The whole idea of Godzilla's role in Tokyo, where he's always battling these other monsters, saving humanity time and again - wouldn't Godzilla become God? It would be called Living Under the Rule of Godzilla. This is what society is like when a big fucking green lizard rules your world |
202 |
| Shakespeare |
I like this place and willingly could waste my time in it |
198 |
| Tiina Wang |
You know you're obsessed with Runescape when every time u see a guy dressed in military clothes you run up & punch him in the face in revenge against Sergeant Damien |
197 |
| Phoebe Buffay |
Sometimes men love women - Sometimes men love men - And then there are bisexuals - Though some just say they're kidding themselves |
196 |
| Homer Simpson |
What do you mean, all the time? Even when they're nuts? |
194 |
| Barack Obama |
I learned to slip back and forth between my black and white worlds. One of those tricks I had learned: People were satisfied so long as you were courteous and smiled and made no sudden moves. They were more than satisfied; they were relieved - such a pleasant surprise to find a well-mannered young black man who didn't seem angry all the time |
193 |
| Funny Time Quotes - Ultimate ESQ Funny Time Quotes Collection - Sayings |
| Jim Carrey |
I don't think anybody should go through life without a team of psychologists. I have been through times when I'm literally squatting in the living room, having one of those open-throated cries, where you're crying all the way to your butthole. I always believed I would come out of it, though |
189 |
| Montgomery Burns |
Ah, Monday morning. Time to pay for your two days of debauchery, you hungover drones |
188 |
| Nobuo Uematsu |
I think that American people really know how to pursue fun, they really know how to have a good time. Japanese are somewhat more reserved than Americans, so I'm jealous |
186 |
| Will Smith |
Man, I love Halloween! It's the only time of year when a black man can wear a mask at night and not get arrested! |
186 |
| Jim Carrey |
There was a time when people said, "Jim, if you keep on making faces, your face will freeze like that." Now they just say, "Pay him!" |
183 |
| Quentin Tarantino |
I hope to give you at least 15 more years of movies. I'm not going to be this old guy that keeps cranking them out. My plan is to have a theater by that time in some small town and I will be the manager - this crazy old movie guy |
182 |
| Barack Obama |
I mean, you know, as somebody who used to be on the cover of Time and Newsweek, you know. Those were the days |
181 |
| Aaliyah |
There are times I can't even figure myself out |
180 |
| Funny Time Quotes - Ultimate ESQ Funny Time Quotes Collection - Sayings |
| Jim Carrey |
Most of the time I live with my pain. I have pain but I won't show it around. I think that's the nobility of the character. There's something noble in not spewing on people all the time about your problems. I'm the light guy, so I identified |
180 |
| Will Smith |
Having her home all the time is great. She picks our clothes out for us, makes our lunches, cuts the crust off the ends of our bread...That women must be stopped! |
180 |
| Quentin Tarantino |
Tell you what. Next time I do a movie, you can drive me to the set |
178 |
| Jim Carrey |
I'm the first to admit this whole salary thing is getting out of control. In the final analysis, it's still about the work. The whole time I was filming The Cable Guy, I kept reminding myself that if a scene didn't work, the $20 million would bite me in the butt |
168 |
| Montgomery Burns |
Grow a spine on your own time, fatso. Now pie that Brownie, Fruitcake! |
163 |
| Jim Carrey |
I enjoy his music, but he scares me, ... His lyrics are totally socially irresponsible. But I think if we just spend more time with our kids, we'll be OK |
147 |
| Montgomery Burns |
We must crush the freedom fighters before the start of the rainy season. And a shiny new donkey for whoever brings me the head of Colenol Montoya. In that I mean, it's time for the worker of the week award |
133 |
| Funny Time Quotes - Ultimate ESQ Funny Time Quotes Collection - Sayings |
